I'm very optimistic about human nature and I like to believe that people are generally good. There's isn't a person I have major conflicts with or have to avoid. However, people sometimes slip and I have to pull their ho card, thus my "Kiss My Black Ass" list.
The Wanna Be Lesbian Attention Whore
"We're not the hottest girls in the club but if we make out with each other, we can prove to the guys we're not uptight and make us look hotter than we really are."
White girls, cut this shit out. Really. I admit that us fellas can get as horny as an Easter rabbit but if this is getting old to us, then that's saying quite a bit. You know what's hotter than you making out with your drunken sorority sisters? A nun being put through a wood chipper, setting my nuts on fire, Rosie O'Donell making me breakfast in the morning....in the nude, Sarah Palin before she opened her mouth and a feather dropping on my penis. I should ask my gay friends about how they feel about it. Now it's cool and normal for ladies to kiss and greet. But this "Girls Gone Wild Shit" is as tired as …well…Girls Gone Wild.
You want to impress me? Instead of this,change my flat tire Skankzilla
Kiss my black ass!
The "I Don't Watch TV" Snobs
Me: "You seen the news footage of that water skiing squirrel?"
Them: "I don't watch or own a TV"
Me: "F**k You"
You damn societal pussy's, scared of being brainwashed by corporate big brother? I understand not watching TV because of time constraints or not being home as much but thinking that it's the mortal enemy of human intellect is pushing too far. Maybe it's an indication of how weak minded you are. To hell with that, give me my MSNBC news, Family Guy and my Lakers game on a big screen high-def TV and you can't tell me shit. It's not how the TV uses you; it's how you use the TV. And when there's a tornado in your hometown of Nebraska and you want to find out if you're pappy and mammy made it out all right, I'm gonna tell you to wait until tomorrow's newspaper to find out.
..it's still can suck your soul muuha ha ah...
Kiss my black ass!
Hypocritical Holier Than Thou Christians
Them: "You Don't Go To Church"?
Me: "No, but if you truly want to study the origins of the bible, its contradictions and the pagan origins of your religion, I can do that"
Them: "Ok"
(They never call me back)
I'm usually cool about peoples personal beliefs but when they call me out, I'm gonna call them out…..with facts. Hey church going god believing folks, I have a new way of judging people…*gasp*… by their actions instead of their belief. I guess the fact that you get unlimited forgiveness from Jesus makes it easier to do and say underhanded shit doesn't it? Check out the rap artist as an example, look at the song titles and then read the album thank you notes. Nuff said. And if the acceptance of Jesus as your lord and savior is what really matter to you, then you must accept and love Jeffrey Dahmer who on May 10, 1994 was baptized and a born again Christian. He was a bible student up until his death. If you run into him in heaven, what will be the first thing you say to him?
Your kids would be safer with Gary Glitter .......Kiss my pagan ass!
The "You Didn't Go To College?" Prick
This is not a knock against college students; in fact, I believe that it's almost a necessity in light of the dynamics of the economy and employment struggles. Although I've never attend, I'm a very strong advocate of higher learning and I'm a fan of intellectuals alike. Anyone who've seen my bookshelves can vouch for that. My gripe is with people who hide in college for an easy degree and then look down on those who have labored and worked for just as long.
To add, those who busted their ass in school and have a passion for their chosen degree, props. All the others with a liberal arts degree and are bar tending, sociology degree and work at Bookmans or been taken college courses for over 10yrs and isn't a doctor or an attorney…you get the point
Save money on the African American studies and let me take you to the hood!
.. Kiss my black buttocks!
The Artsy Foreign Film Asshole
Me: "Hey baby let's go check out a new movie."
Them: "Only if it was , was filmed in grainy 35mm black&white print, has a soundtrack on an independent label, directed by an 80 yr 0ld man strung out on heroin and was filmed in a war torn country"
Me: "OK, let's take your pasty white ass to the Middle East and watch it in that country…punk ass"
There's a new trend of artsy pricks (I'm gonna call them prickarts) not liking ANYTHING that's mainstream and just like the previously mention anti-TV folks, this shit spilled into the movie industry. Give me another X-men movie, Frank Miller's films kick ass and Samuel Jackson is so cool, he makes white people wish they were black. So for you my vegetarian, thrift store shopping, Prius driving, Starbucks drinking, The Loft only attending bastard, go see Jean De Lu's Golan's new German film about a boy with no limbs who learns how to paint with his an erection. I myself want explosions, shameless product placements, bad guys with a foreign accent and a 60 yr old leading man with a 24 yr old love interest…..just like real life.
" The story of a French woman who gets turned out by a street pimp named Thunderbird"
Kiss my 70's blaxploitation loving ass!
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