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December 2, 2013

Dating Cliché’s We Should All Outgrow


                 Dating Cliché’s We Should All Outgrow


    The beauty of getting older is being able to naturally mature, gain knowledge and develop the self confidence that pertains to your everyday life but what it also does is show the immaturity of your past behavior as well. In the age of social networking sites in which the product being sold is convincing you that you’re “much cooler” than everyone else, we don’t take the time to develop humility and accountability for how we can better ourselves. “It can’t be me, I got my life together.  It’s them”. So with that being said, we came up with clever phrases to deflect from our own responsibilities instead of adjusting, adapting and improving upon the dating choices we make. Now, I know that there will be some obvious disagreements on these points but please remember one word to factor into the discussion; MATURITY.

1.   I Intimidate Men

  I find it very interesting that in the dating world, “intimidation” is a phrase only associated with negativity, as in a reason why men don’t approach women. Intimdation can still coexist in a positive frame of mind. However, many women speak of it as if it’s the same thing as being intimidated of your neighbor’s pit-bull… some sort of fear.  You know what else is intimidating for a man?;  meeting the President, taking a Lamborghini out for a test drive, a flight in a fighter jet, taking Halle Berry out on a date, etc.   As intimidating as those things are, there’ll still be a line around the block of men who would love to experience those things.  Your intimidation doesn’t have to be that spectacular but a great job, education and beauty would never scare away a quality man.

2.   I’m Independent …I Don’t Need A Man/Woman

  You ever notice that when people speak of being independent, it’s mostly in the context of money and the ability to sustain yourself? Most songs about independence, drives home this monetary point of view. A grown person bragging about being financially independent is like bragging that you’re able to wipe your own ass. You’re over 30 years old, you’re supposed to be able to financially take care of yourself. On a social and emotional level, no one is truly independent. We’re social creatures; we laugh together, confide with each other and seek companionship on many levels. In this context, I have yet to meet an independent person.

3.   I Don’t Chase

  Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. In every potential relationship, SOMEONE HAS TO CHASE A LITTLE MORE THAN THE OTHER, it's just that most of the time, we don't notice it. The biggest irony is that no one ever complains if they’re the person being chased.  Also, most of us “chase” for attention anyway. When you’re purposely displaying  cleavage, you’re hoping to be chased. The "look how pretty I am and I hope I get 'likes'" Facebook post, you're hoping to be chased. When you finance a flashy $30,00 car with a 20% interest rate, you’re hoping to be chased. Cut the bullshit, who doesn't love that attention?  On the flipside, as long as you retain your dignity and self-respect, “chase”. If we can chase for a fulfilling career, a house we dreamt for or a certain life style we desire, I don’t see anything wrong with pursuing a person that fits your idea of a perfect mate. Again, “chase” but do it respectively for yourself.  DON’T DO IT in the “higher value” pissing match of wanting a person to know that they desire you more and that you’re the prize. When two people play the same game, no one wins.

4.   You Got To Be Able To Handle Me

  Why do I have to “handle” you? You’re not a 2 year old child or a wild animal. Having different points of views, opinions and personality is one thing but to actually preference to someone that you need to “be handled” intellectually or emotionally in order to have a relationship with them, isn’t attractive.  Mentioning it shows that: 1. you’re conscious of this character trait 2. It has been an issue before and 3. You have no intention to improve upon it. The greatest trait of being loved is having the personality of a person that’s easy to love.

5.   I’m Strong 

   In dating, most people describe strength based on the shit they put up with in the past and the shit they won’t take in future. Speaking of “I don’t put up with shit”, you’re not allowed to say this if there’s  evidence in your past of putting up with “shit”. Strength... I’m not looking for a sparring partner but maybe  just someone who can face the realities of day to day living. How about we speak of strength in the context of having a great work ethic, emotional support for your companion or having the patience to work through the ups and downs that most relationships will bring? What about the strength to be able to admit your weaknesses and the have the courage to face them head on and eliminate them?

6.   I Don’t Have Time To Date

   Really? If you’re a truck driver, active duty military or an Alaskan crab fisherman, maybe…but for most people, come the hell on? If he/she is that cool of a person, you know damn well you’d make time for them.  You would leave your mother’s funeral to meet up with “Dexter Saint Jock”. On the flipside, a person who is really into you would carve out time…even if they’re mildly into you.  Even something as simple as phone calls and texting should clearly show signs of sincere interest. No one is too busy to communicate. If you or they have enough time to take a shit, there’s always time to contact someone to get to know them better.


BONUS:  "My Ex Was An Asshole"


   Any persistent complaining, critique and insulting comments about your pass relationships, isn’t a good look. You’re a reflection of who you date. YOU chose them and speaking badly about them (especially if there’s a pattern of dating them) tells more about your judgment and decision making. In fact, the main problem isn’t the “trauma or drama” you faced; it’s the fact that upon meeting a prospective companion, you feel the need to divulge a life story that can double as a plot for a Tyler Perry movie. Everybody has horrible relationship stories, down play it and keep it pushing.

September 3, 2013

20 Things I Love About Getting Older


     20 Things I Love About Getting Older
 

    I’ve always been the older guy in the group and boy have I been the butt of many jokes. What always confused me is that old age is the one thing we make fun of but yet, hope that we get to experience it. That’s like a Klansman hoping to be black someday. I never understood it. My heroes in music, sports, social activism have always been older. My dad, uncles and grandparents are people I look up to and hope to one day have their titles.

     I believe that anyone that feels uneasy about approaching 30, 40, 50, or 60, should look at it as a wake-up call to live an amazing life. I lived a great life and hope to continue it…which means… *gasp* …getting older. I’m 43. Do I wish I was 23? Hell yes… but the things I’ve done, the women I’ve kissed and the places I’ve been to more than makes up for that. Never in my life would I have guessed that this very moment in time…right now as you’re reading this, I’m in the happiest state of my existence ever…and it keeps getting better.
 

               What I love about getting older……


1.       Confidence- Not the Confidence to obtain a goal or objectives but the kind of confidence that allows me to deal with the truth of reality and for me to express what’s truly in my heart, unafraid.

2.      Control over my own happiness – Less and less blaming of the ex-girlfriends, wives, former bosses ,etc. for my mistakes and missteps.  It’s my happiness, not theirs and that responsibility will always be mine.

3.      Being a mentor – As a black man that’s looked up to by younger black men, this is especially important to me. We need more mentors and father figures.

4.     Respecting my friends and love ones who passed away – I outlived many people and the greatest way I can honor and respect them is to appreciate the years added to my life. I miss them and will live my life for them.

5.      Being a dad – Leaving a legacy for my child makes me less self-centered about “my” life and more so for hers. Plus the thought “I’m a parent” makes many decisions easier for me.

6.     Loving better – Knowing how time never stops, I’m appreciative of even the simplest things and never take them for granted. We value things that are rare and there’s nothing more rare than the present time.

7.      Easier to monitor my health- Food, alcohol, sleep, etc., I can easily see the effects much more sooner than when I was younger. It makes taking care of me a lot more motivating.

8.     Being content with being financially responsible – It’s easy for me to pass on temporary pleasures to reach long term financial goals...especially if I want to retire comfortably.

9.     Dating gets easier- A life of stability minimizes stress, drama and baggage so there’s not much distracting me from what I want in a lady.  This also puts less pressure on her to fulfill my life and to just enjoy it with me.

10.   Less pressure in trying to be “cool” – I realized that as I get older my identity is internalized rather than externalized. It’s funny how we base our infinite character on finite material items. You're "cool" simply by the actions you do and how you're there for others.

11.     Seeing my nephews, nieces and child grow – My life becomes  theirs and it's beautiful helping them prepare for it. 
 

12.    Lower sex drives but yet, still passionate – It’s so funny that people think this it’s a bad thing. No it isn't! The fact that a man is no longer controlled by his peter, allows him to be more rational and more selective of women he’s involved with.

13.    Fulfilling my parents’ wishes – Self-explanatory. We would want our babies to have a long and healthy life.

14.   Enjoying the fruits of past decisions and learning from past mistakes – Seeing the cause and effects of past decisions helps with making future decisions and also to share with others who need advice.

15.    What you see is what you get – My views on marriage, kids and employment are mostly determined. My views are very apparent.  There’s the saying “just be yourself”, to me, we all will eventually have no choice but to be ourselves.

16.   More strategic with planning life – That “15 years ago” sobers you up to the fact that there will be a “15 years from now”. You’re much more patience with investments of money, time and other plans knowing that you'll will see the results.

17.    Being more creative with my recreation- “Been there, done that” are code words for ”I’m too old for that”. I have the perfect reason to get out of my comfort zone and to have new experiences. Doing something different.

18.   No longer concerned with the “higher value pissing match” of dating- “Should I call her? Should I ask her out? Did she text me last? Is she too good for me?” F***k that, I’m a man. I’ll call you when I want, tell you you’re pretty and I don’t keep score of who do what for whom.

19.   Years of saying “no” is allowing to now say “yes”- I busted my natural black  ass, made sacrifices and now it’s time to treat myself to the good life.

20.  Easy to prioritize things- In 5, 3 or even 1 year from now, I'm not even going to remember the trivial crap that I’ve dealt with this week. I put more energy into the things that truly matter to me.
 
 

July 17, 2013

Terry's Views on Race: A Questionnaire On Blackness.


 

Terry's View On Blackness


 

 
 *This is a questionnaire I came across while online. Many of these question were good and provide a mirror of myself I don’t often look at. I tried to answer these questions a honestly as possible and I hope that it can be insightful for you.

When Did You First Realize You Were Black? 

      • As a child watching TV, reading comic books and being out in the world. At an early age…maybe around 6, I was easily able to contrast how I was treated compared to others who didn’t look like me.

 
How Black Are You?

     • I’m not sure if it’s possible to measure blackness in a way in which we all can agree on. I would however gage my blackness on my connection culturally to the black experience in America primarily by family lineage, the performance arts, my interest in history and how much I share culturally with others who identify as black.
 

 
Have You Ever Wanted to Not Be Black?

 
     • Never, although it’s worth noting that on a micro and maybe unconscious level, I might have wanted to not be black as a matter of acceptance at that particular time (Having white heroes as a kid or being force to read Huckleberry Finn in class).
 
 

 
Can You Swim?

     • Yes but not well enough for my own comfort. I’m planning swimming lessons next year.

 
How’s That Post-racial Thing Working Out for Ya?

     • What post racial thing?

 
Why Can’t We Just Ignore Racial Differences Already?

     •Because we DO have cultural differences.  Ignoring our differences based on race, to me, is an insult. You don’t have to be similar in order to be respected.

 
Has Social Media Affected How People Understand What It Means To Be Black?

     • Yes. Regardless, of race, most of us are experiencing disconnect in this social media age. There’s a big chasm between our world views online versus how we express them in the real world. Racist can be more vocal without repercussion and humanitarians can voice their support for human rights without leaving their home. Social media makes it easy for us to do nothing simply by clicking “like”.

 
How Does Race Affect Your Faith In The United States?

     • Only when put to a direct test will we know where we are able to stand racially. There is a fake liberalism that exists in this country. In many cases, socially progressive issues can be more of a fad or trend than a true desire for betterment and equality. Race is never an issue for liberal minded folks…until I move next door or date/marry their daughter. Barack Obama has done everything America wanted, academically and socially and he’s still not immune to racist slander.
 

               *side note: The America honors black leaders after they’re dead.

 

Has Anyone Ever Questioned Your “Authentic Blackness"?

     • All the time. There is a lot of self-hate within the black community and anything that’s associated with being prosperous in life is considered “acting white”. Whether it’s financial stability, health, education or striving for a stable two parent household.

 

How Do You Whiskey Friday?

     • Not my thing.

 

Are You The Black Friend?

     • No. I have friends that I’ve known for decades and would never consider any of them my “white, Asian, Latino, etc.” friend. With a strong degree of certainty and respect, I’m positive they wouldn’t consider me their “black friend”.

 

How Does Your Race Affect Your Faith?

     • Christianity was given…no, FORCED onto blacks by slave masters. Most black are uncomfortable with this FACT.  I strongly believe that the doctrine of “god will take care of me …AFTER I die” has hindered us from making progress in the real world and for generations to come. Being labeled a “sinner”, “deprived”, “worthy of hell” has become a self-fulfilling prophecy for many blacks.  I despise organize religion and feel that we wasted our time preparing for the “hereafter” while our children are suffering in the “here”.
 

 
How Do You Define Yourself?

     • Socially progressive, artsy, I love being in a leadership or mentoring position. I’m open to learning new things and love getting out of my comfort zone. Being a better man is a lifelong journey for me and I try to humble myself when I’m wrong and can improve.

 
Have You Ever Been Asked To Speak For All Black People?

     •Not directly but whenever someone ask you a general question regarding black people, they’re asking you to speak for blacks so, yes.
 

 
Do You Ever Find Yourself Turning Your Race “Up” Or “Down” Depending On Who You’re With?

     •Yes, the irony is that most blacks will be VERY critical amongst themselves when discussing sensitive issues but will speak positively about themselves to others outside of their culture.

 
Do people consider you an “exception” to your race as in “you’re different?”

     •Yes and it tells me how many black people they know. I always got the “wow”, “you’re married?”, “planned your daughter?”, “never been arrested?”, “travel” etc.  Sadly many blacks take on this same delusion based upon their self-hate definition of blackness.
 
 

 
Have you had a moment in which you considered yourself having failed at being black (or other race/identity?)

     •Not really. Although I would say that some blacks feel the need to defend EVERY black celebrity who gets in trouble…based on their loyalty to the black race. Admitting our mistakes can sometimes feel like betrayal.

 
Has Anyone Ever Accused You Of “Talking White?”

     • Never. Probably because I use a lot of street slang associated with black culture.

 

How has Barack Obama’s presidency affected your view or experience of race? 

      It confirmed for me that you can live an exemplary life, be educated, created a stable well-adjusted family unit, achieve the highest office in the land…and still receive racist taunts and insults. Obama worked hard utilizing the American dream and is still called a “nigger” because of it.
 

 

Has anyone ever said judgmental things about a race and assumed you had no problem with it?

     • Yes. I hear racial insults about Mexicans a lot. Another example from back in the day was the “a black, a white and a Mexican” joke. The butt of the joke depended on the race of who the joke is being told to. 

 
What’s the most awkward racial interaction you ever had? 

     • Being 25 yrs. old and having a 5 yr. old call me a “nigger” and the pre-mentioned required reading of Huckleberry Finn in English class.

 
Have you ever experienced someone trying really hard to be politically correct and not racist? 

     • Yes. The side of racism that’s often ignored is the “I don’t want people to think I’m racist” mindset. I’ve met elderly white people who are uncomfortable with me referring to them by their last names i.e. “Mr. Peterson”, “Mrs. Meade”. It reminds them of black inferiority rather than respect for elders. I even believe that when I’m on a date, servers at restaurants put in the extra effort in order to not be perceived as bigoted.

 
What are your thoughts about the use of the words nigger, nigga and derivatives? Are some allowed to say it? 

There is a context to how this word is used amongst blacks, we all know this but decide to play dumb whenever it's convenient. I use it all the time. Every group of people has words they use within their group that will be an insult if outsiders used it on them. The word “nigger” was one that blacks fought their whole life to get rid of and no one came to our aid. We took it in and made it ours. It’s a reminder of America’s racist past and NOW everyone wants to get rid of it or bring up the hypocrisy of blacks using it.  The real hypocrisy is showing outrage for the word in 2013 rather that 1963.
 

July 4, 2013

Women: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

 

     A woman’s heart is the wild wild west of emotions, drama and triumph. Many men have attempted to tame the newly discovered territory while navigating through a trail of casualties, heartbreak and drained bank accounts. Years from now, there will be tales of yore told over camp fires of these heroines and “love outlaws”. Ladies, what legends of inspiration will be told about you?
Laquesha "Lace Front" Jenkins
         A true grit sherriff who was able to deal with any outlaw...by making sure they're well hung.

The Good...

·        When you ask and care about our well-being – It feels good when you check us out...looking at our booty and all. It feels better when you're REALLY checking us out by asking about the new job, our kids and how simply how we’re feeling.

·        Cook a nice meal for us- A cooked dish for a man is what flowers are to women. When you fry up some chicken, we brag to our friends about this as if we did the nasty with you. If I were a woman, most of the time I’ll show Facebook pictures of my cooks instead of my looks. Cooking is rare and it also makes you stand out.

·        Dress down and let your natural beauty show- Because guys are simple, a simply dressed woman shows her natural beauty, being ready for fun and makes everyone relaxed. Nothing like a wash and wear woman. Throw on a t-shirt, jeans and flip flops. While you’re at it, pull that hair back into a ponytail and take us out for a beer.

·        Feed our ego- As boys we shouted “look ma’, no hands” and we still carry on this “look what I can do” behavior as men. Yes we have an ego but it’s based on being your personal Superman and it works to your benefit. Even if we can’t say the right words to make you feel better, we love it when you give us task to do that lets us show how much we care.

·        Simplify spending time together- “Baby, why don’t we just chill tonight”. Every date night doesn’t have to be “show time!” With the internet, TV, movies, smartphones, etc., we feel like we always have to be entertained. Stay your asses’ home, rent “House Party 2” and save that money for when the big lug wants to take you to the Bahamas.

·        Acknowledge your weaknesses while showing strength in dealing with them- In the relationship world of being high valued and the “don’t call him, let him call you” pissing match, it’s refreshing for you to communicate your desires upfront and honestly even at the risk of getting hurt. What makes you strong is not how you avoid hurt, it’s in how you deal with the reality of it. We love this in you.

·        Putting your children first- We like you…we really really dig you. Who you were before and now, makes you the woman we’re attracted to. One quality that we don’t get enough of is nurturing. That’s essentially what motherhood is all about. It’s beautiful to see you doing that with the little crumb snatchers.

·        Treat us out- A good man will do everything in his power to make sure you’re ok. Financially, emotionally and for your overall happiness. Taking us out for something as easy as wings and beer is to us, a soft hearted "thank you". We might also give you some booty that night too!

·        Supporting us in our goals and other endeavors- In this 160 character, messages, tweets, and instant gratification world of “I want it now”, if feels good when you allow and support our goals for something better down the line. It motivates, inspire and opens our minds to more goals and challenges. Your word can move mountains so use them wisely.

Turquoise "I don't need a man" Jefferson
    Legendary for not giving  up ass for 8 straight dates...until the negative balance on her EBT card
 
The Bad…

·       The passive aggressive one word text messages- We know you’re pissed off. Be a woman and tell us.

·       Posting up sexy pics and then label guys that compliment them, as “thirsty”- Thrist works both ways. It’s also possible to be thirsty for attention. If you're concerned about your “like” count, you’re thirsty too

·       Giving out your phone number solely to boost your ego- It used to mean something to have a phone number but now it’s just something to do to make you feel like Beyoncé’.

·       Knowing when to set your emotions aside- Not every situation has to have a hero, villain and a happy ending. Maturity is dealing with reality no matter how you feel about it.

·       Putting too much value on your vagina- Isn’t funny how the women that brag about how good their coochie is, never have tangibles to show for it? Sorry Steve Harvey, the 90 day rule doesn’t work. If you're a 2014 BMW, why brag about gas cap?
                                                       Iesha "Baby Daddy" Culpepper
             Was able to handle any outlaw that rode into town...until they rode in bareback.

 The Ugly...

·       Casting your life like a play- You pissed away your youthful beauty, partied your ass off and NOW you want a house, husband and kids…out of convenience. Time to pay the piper.

·       Letting your friends sabotage your relationships- If she can’t get a good man, YOU can’t get a good man…because it’ll expose her short comings. So many good men are lost forever to you.

·       Getting by with your looks and not developing your character- If you’re attractive, men will not call you out on your bullshit. Once that attractiveness is gone, ...well, all that’s left is bullshit.

·       Not acknowledging that YOU pick the bad men in your life- Putting blame on others gives you excuses to not change what you’re doing. Only if you were as critical of those asshole of the past as you are with the good men you’re meeting today.

·       Focusing on a man’s words rather than his actions- It’s easy to represent and idea than it is to live it. It’s easy for men to tat themselves up, get a big truck/nice car, give themselves a nickname and talk a lot of shit. Women stop falling for this. The guy that’s volunteering at a school, helping others and fixing your car when it breaks down equal ten of the fore mentioned guys.
Lisa "Strong Woman" Harrington
Shot a man dead for leaving the toilet seat up...because she don't play that shit
 

 

    

June 28, 2013

Black People Say The "N-Word", Why Can't I?

                     Black People Say The "N-Word", Why Can't I?
                               * Note: this post isn't on the ethics of the word but on the selective outrage over it's use*

       Whenever a high profile white person get exposed for using the word "nigger",  the first thing everyone want to do is to show the double standards and hypocrisy of black folks and rappers being able to use the word...as if we don't have internal conflicts about it. "Black people are allowed to use it, why can't I?" The real question to them should be: "why in the hell do you want to use it?". This post isn't about rather we should or shouldn't say the word. This post is about my frustration of controversy being deflected on black people and us being used as scapegoats whenever rich and powerful people get caught up.
Black people, remember how uneasy if felt to have to read this in class?


       The word "nigger" was FORCED upon us...we didn't want it. We fought tooth and nail to avoid, run from and to get away from it. America didn't help us with this. Now in 2013, let me give you a quick historical montage of how we grew up with the word "nigger".


                                  For centuries black people lived with the word through....
 

  • Slavery and racial discrimination
  • Judges, teachers, police officers used it opening towards us
  • America thrived in business selling multiple products with the word "nigger" in it. (Google it)
  • We even had children books that had "nigger" in the title and prominently mentioned in books
  • We learned to sing it in our schoolyard games
  • After being called "nigger" to our faces, we realized that it's often said behind our backs 
  • We were REQIURED to read books like "Huckleberry Finn" amongst our fellow class mates
  • Even if you want to use rappers as scapegoats for using "nigger", their masters (record companies) profit immensely off the music
  • We have hit songs with the word in it and everybody enjoys singing along to it
  • We accept, embrace, love and recite dialogs from Taratino movies.

     With that being said, why are people acting as if black people created this word and need to be held accountable for it? "Nigger" was beaten, ingrained and part of our American experience. No one came to bat to help us get rid of it so I'm sure as hell am not going to bat for another group of people to defend them. Blacks dealt with the baggage and now on an international stage, white America has to deal with it their way. We gave in to the word, accepted it and changed the power out of it's usage amongst ourselves. Whether this is wrong or right, is separate  discussion that blacks folks should have amongst themselves but the selective outrage directed towards the least powerful people in the country, speaks to another type of racism.
                                                    No problem profiting from the word

June 21, 2013

9 Things That Men Can Learn From Women

                       9 Things That Men Can Learn From Women


                                          " She has to think one of us is cute...I mean, come on"
      Men: love them a little, understand them a lot. Women, love them a lot and don’t try to understand them at all…because they offer just enough things for us to understand about them. Regardless of us men’s incompetence of grasping the complexity of how to attract women, we have to give credit where credit is due. In a few areas, these cutie pies are the best “wingman” we have and will elevate our dating game from boogerwolves to Beyoncé bunnies. These are a few things the Chocolate Boy Wonder have learned.

·        Women get pissed at us when we don’t notice their flirtation and obvious seduction.
     I had lady send me a picture of her new shoes.  I showed it to my friend  Drea and she said “Terry, she knows what hell she’s doing”. I looked at the picture again and the legs took up more of the picture than the shoes. My dumb ass was checking out her size 7 Manolos instead of her. Fellas, we have to pay more attention. It's so ironic that we think about knocking boots 23 hours a day and yet, she can have neon signs pointing at the pussy and we’ll still think she’s talking about her pet cat.
    
Look Terry, I have a new belly button piercing, what do you think?
                                                                

                                                ·        Women hate hand cuffing 
        Keeping tabs on and locking down your lady is a sign of insecurity and weakness. They want a man not a little boy. Rather it’s you mean mugging men that check her out in public or questioning her where abouts every time she leaves the house. Buck up, get a hobby and let that coochie breathe a little.  She isn’t going nowhere brother.
 
                                  
Bucket List Item #23: Role play Black Snake Moan with a white girl

 
                                          ·        Women don’t think looks are as important
 
   “Take the “beauty and the booty” away from her and then ask yourself “why am I talking to her?””  Looks are great but are not the end all be all. I’m glad I figured that shit out because look at me. Physical attraction should never trump a person’s character even if they’re a beautiful hoe. If women discovered that he abused a dog, Johnny Deep would go from a sex symbol to the most hated man in America. On the other hand, a brother would sleep with a female KKK member if she looked fine enough. Ass, titties and a pretty face are the mayo and mustard of the sandwich…the only problem is that’s the only thing on the damn sandwich!


A big chocolate cuddly teddy bear with a heart of gold...ladies get in line!
                                                           

                                     ·       Women like men that got their money right

 
        Women unfairly get labeled “gold digger”... for not messing with a “broke nigga”. There is a reasonable middle ground in which I don’t blame them for wanting that in a man. As long as ladies are bringing something to the table, cooking, support and even their income, this holds merit. Money isn’t solely about the material things you can buy, it’s what it helps protects you from; inadequate shelter, healthcare and education. What about having babies, life’s emergencies and charities? Even if they have no use for our financially stability, it’s still an attractive quality.      
 
Mo' money mo' money....can't get booty with no money
A woman with fashion sense can tell a man exactly what to wear in regards to attraction.                     
       I hated myself for not discovering these gem years ago. Having me out there dressed like Jimmy Walker from “Good Times”.  Rather it’s a hat, shoes or a dress shirt, I’ve have never had a misstep when a lady assisted me with my $2 wardrobe. While shopping, send the honey dip a picture of those shoes and shirt to get her opinion. You know how little girls love dressing up their dolls? That’s what you are to her, a big ass 220 lbs. baby doll…let her dress you.
 
Tube sock stuffed in the front crouch: optional
                                                                 

                                     ·        Women can tell you who’s attracted to you

     The ultimate “chick whisperer” are “chicks. If you’re with a female friend or relative while in a social gathering, within seconds they’re able to pick out the women who want to jump your bones. For men that are in relationships, this is sometimes confused with thinking that your partner is jealous of a woman that’s talking to you. She’s not; she’s just trying to keep the skanks away… you adorable bastard.                                 
"Thank god I'm not wearing sweat pants"
                                                       

·        Women are just as attractive to prestigious titles as they are to a lucrative financial career.

      A garbage man may make more than school teacher but you can bet your last pair of drawls that she’ll be more proud to say she’s dating a teacher (hell, imagine the role playing). Any activity that involves the betterment of others is a great quality to have in this narcissistic social media world we live in so get up off your ass and start volunteering. Tell her that you work at a stable volunteering to take care of  troubled horses.
 
                   "...and children, that's why hood rats are never attracted to black men with jobs"

   ·        Women will pursue the most mature, stable and alpha male within a group of men. 

       Ladies are good at this when they’re able to have direct comparisons of men in front of them. What men do is that if we’re at the club and see a hot woman that’s sloppy drunk with her breastisis hanging out, we’re on her like a cheap suit. Ladies know this because there’s been many of times when they’re at the club and had to go rescue Buffy from the horn dogs.  Fellas, aiming high for a good woman will make you aim high with your own personal development.
 
Bar mitzvah party crashers
                                            

                                 ·        Women are able to admit their weaknesses.

      If you don’t know the past hurts of the person you’re in a relationship with, then you don’t know them. Whether big or small everyone has or had issues. It’s how you work, deal and overcome it, which makes you the shiznet.  Confidence isn’t in believing and knowing you’ll get the career, relationship of a girlfriend. It’s in knowing that you can deal with reality on its own terms and face it head on without fear. Ladies have more balls than us when it comes to turning over her cards and letting us know her fears and concerns.
 
 
   "I'm sorry baby, I can't work the middle and my thang is too little"
                         

 

                                                 Sisters are doing it for themselves