November 6, 2010 Archival Record Of Who You Did The Nasty With

                                             Facebook and Relationships

                                                  My early years....if I was a white that is

 In the culture of Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, multiple email address, text messages, cell phones, instant chat, etc., fidelity is a fragile China doll. For many people, these social networking tools are used as options and "place holders" for dating multiple people and getting your freak on. The connection between old flames, booger wolves, trifling men, skanks, "baby mamas", "baby daddies", one night stands, booty calls, high school crushes, etc... are somewhat of shock and amazement.

                                           You're right princess, dogfood cost too damn much
    Just look at your Facebook "friends" list as an example. Ha ha...ho-ly shit! Unless you're black, you're blushing now! It's like a Charles Dickens ghost of Christmas ass ...of the past. A montage of heartbreak, sexual deviance and conquest, failed relationships, skid mark underwear and dreams that never been fulfilled. If the person that you're currently committed to, knew the intimate details, it would without a doubt, be a major shit storm. I bet that many people just assume it and just take a don't ask don't tell approach to it. It's not insecurity, its simple human nature. "You mean you kicked it with that skinny black mother**ker, a damn Dj?"

   How many of us had to explain, hide or delete comments that were made? How many of us were asked "who is that person"? How many of us felt the uncomfortably of having to delete a comment because it would mess up your chances of connecting with another or cause issues with who you're with? How many of us changed or made social commentary/political views just so we won't rock the boat with a potential lover? Some of it is just simple naivety. In my case, people hip me to things I didn't take notice of too.

   On the flip side, how many of us welcome all the flirtation, private messages and comments, in hopes of having a better chance of hooking up with multiple people...casting fishing net? How many of us just for fun, counted the people we "hit". Hey, that'll be a new drinking game, "I tapped that" (someone work on that for me). How many of us had an ego boost from someone admiring a photo of us? How many of us exaggerated our personal desirability in order to make others jealous or to want us more? It's sick and honestly, I myself may have been guilty of a few of those examples.

   My opinion of all of this is that FB is not and will not cause mistrust, cheating or having many lovers on the side (many are cool with this anyway). If you're a super freak, you're a super freak, but just like a chocolate cake in front of a person on a diet, it's there. The temptation is too strong for most people. I decided for myself that if I truly get into a committed...deeply committed relationship, there's gonna only be two things that my friends will notice in social networking circles. I will completely disappear from these site, or the more plausible, my relationship status would be made public.                              
   People always say they want their relationship to be "private" or we don't have to shout it from the rooftops, yet, every other part of their life is exposed like Janet's breatisis. The privacy hustle is bullshit. Being clear on who I'm in a relationship with is not just to monitor my behavior but the behavior of others trying to get with "Chocolate Man Candy" . It really needs to be clear to others where you are in life and where you want to be. Your true "friends" should be able to respect that and know their boundaries.

Think about it...


November 5, 2010

Women Required Listening: Bill Withers

                   Why Women Should Listen To Bill Withers

          My pop, who's just as big a music buff as I, always told me that if I dig a particular artist,always dig deeper to find their rough and gritty side. Bill Wither's have this in spades. He's like the dad who can feed you and clothed you but if you step out of line, he'll put his foot in your ass. If there was ever a soundtrack to manhood, Withers is essential for any guy's music collection. If you really miss the girl, he'll cry for you, if you're pissed off at her , he'll vent with you (without having her ass call the cops on you). Ladies if you ever want to know what goes through a guys  head while loving you, there's a whole discography of this man's music. Also ladies, if your man is listening to Bill Withers, he's either digging the hell out of you or trying to grow some balls to break up with you. Bill's music is deep.

The Good and The Bad 
  For the women, here's a quick run down of why it's good he's writing a song about you and also why you should be shitting your pants . Although the lyrics are basic, it's the emotion he use that takes it to a whole other level. Simply amazing. My sisters, if you can change a flat, hate chick flicks or, have the "Ill Na Na", this is how the lovey dovey wuss feel about you....
"We'd meet again somehow
So that it might as well be now "...

"I will PAINT YOUR PRETTY PICTURE with a song"...

"Then I look at you and the world's alright with me"..

"When I'm kissing my love
I close my eyes and see a pretty city
With a million flowers"...

"I will try my best to be there when you need me,
And give you strength when you need someone that's strong"...

  "Aaaaww". ....that's what makes you women give it up so easy. Ok, dry out your panties because things are gonna get rough. Now the next set are for the guy who can't stand your ass.While he's sitting across from you at the dinner table , drawing a pentagram is his mashed potatoes, this is what he's thinking about you....and your momma..and your  sister....your  best friend....your hair dresser...

 "A man we passed just tried to stare me down
And when I looked at you
You looked at the ground

"When I add the sum of you and me
I get confused when I keep coming up with 3"....

"You're too much for one man
But not enough for two

"Every dream about you
I just wake up knowing that I got to do without you "...

"two people getting done trying to figure out who's doing who"..

"I got to take a ton of lies just to get an ounce of truth out of you"...

"you're like a man loving Jesus but says he can't stand the Jews"...

"My brother sit me right down and he talked to me
He told me that I ought not to let you just walk on me

"Pay for dinner! I may be Black but tonight my Black ass is Dutch!".....oops..that's one of my song lyrics...sorry
 Damn. I could go on and on.
Well there you go, an emotional roller coaster in the ever complex human emotion we call love. Please check out his music. His greatest hits, although good, are in my humble opinion, not his best work. Please hit me up if you need a playlist and remember ladies, check the brother's ipod for to see if you're game is intact.

Kiss My Black Ass......The Maiden Voyage

I'm very optimistic about human nature and I like to believe that people are generally good.  There's isn't a person I have major conflicts with or have to avoid. However, people sometimes slip and I have to pull their ho card, thus my "Kiss My Black Ass" list.

The Wanna Be Lesbian Attention Whore
"We're not the hottest girls in the club but if we make out with each other, we can prove to the guys we're not uptight and make us look hotter than we really are."
White girls, cut this shit out. Really.  I admit that us fellas can get as horny as an Easter rabbit but if this is getting old to us, then that's saying quite a bit. You know what's hotter than you making out with your drunken sorority sisters? A nun being put through a wood chipper, setting my nuts on fire, Rosie O'Donell making me breakfast in the the nude, Sarah Palin before she opened her mouth and a feather dropping on my penis. I should ask my gay friends about how they feel about it. Now it's cool and normal for ladies to kiss and greet. But this "Girls Gone Wild Shit" is as tired as …well…Girls Gone Wild.
You want to impress me? Instead of this,change my flat tire  Skankzilla
Kiss my black ass!
The "I Don't Watch TV" Snobs
Me: "You seen the news footage of that water skiing squirrel?"
Them: "I don't watch or own a TV"
Me: "F**k You"
You damn societal pussy's, scared of being brainwashed by corporate big brother? I understand not watching TV because of time constraints or not being home as much but thinking that it's the mortal enemy of human intellect is pushing too far.  Maybe it's an indication of how weak minded you are. To hell with that, give me my MSNBC news, Family Guy and my Lakers game on a big screen high-def TV and you can't tell me shit.  It's not how the TV uses you; it's how you use the TV. And when there's a tornado in your hometown of Nebraska and you  want to find out if you're pappy and mammy made it out all right, I'm gonna tell you to wait until tomorrow's newspaper to find out.'s still can suck your soul muuha ha ah...
Kiss my black ass!
Hypocritical Holier Than Thou Christians
Them: "You Don't Go To Church"?
Me: "No, but if you truly want to study the origins of the bible, its contradictions and the pagan origins of your religion, I can do that"
Them: "Ok"
(They never call me back)
I'm usually cool about peoples personal beliefs but when they call me out, I'm gonna call them out…..with facts. Hey church going god believing folks, I have a new way of judging people…*gasp*… by their actions instead of their belief.  I guess the fact that you get unlimited forgiveness from Jesus makes it easier to do and say underhanded shit doesn't it? Check out the rap artist as an example, look at the song titles and then read the album thank you notes. Nuff said.  And if the acceptance of Jesus as your lord and savior is what really matter to you, then you must accept and love Jeffrey Dahmer who on May 10, 1994 was baptized and a born again Christian. He was a bible student up until his death.  If you run into him in heaven, what will be the first thing you say to him?
Your kids would be safer with Gary Glitter .......Kiss my pagan ass!
The "You Didn't Go To College?" Prick
This is not a knock against college students; in fact, I believe that it's almost a necessity in light of the dynamics of the economy and employment struggles. Although I've never attend, I'm a very strong advocate of higher learning and I'm a fan of intellectuals alike.  Anyone who've seen my bookshelves can vouch for that.  My gripe is with people who hide in college for an easy degree and  then look down on those who have labored and worked  for just as long.
To add, those who busted their ass in school and have a passion for their chosen  degree, props. All the others with a liberal arts degree and are bar tending, sociology degree and work at Bookmans or been taken college courses for over 10yrs and isn't a doctor or an attorney…you get the point
Save money on the African American studies and let me take you to the hood!
.. Kiss my black buttocks!
The Artsy Foreign Film Asshole
Me: "Hey baby let's go check out a new movie."
Them: "Only if it was , was filmed in grainy 35mm black&white print, has a soundtrack on an independent label, directed by an 80 yr 0ld man strung out on heroin and was filmed in a war torn country"
Me: "OK, let's take your pasty white ass to the Middle East and watch it in that country…punk ass"
There's a new trend of artsy pricks (I'm gonna call them prickarts) not liking ANYTHING that's mainstream and just like the previously mention anti-TV folks, this shit spilled into the movie industry.  Give me another   X-men movie, Frank Miller's films kick ass and Samuel Jackson is so cool, he makes white people wish they were black. So for you my vegetarian, thrift store shopping, Prius driving, Starbucks drinking, The Loft only attending bastard,  go see Jean De Lu's Golan's new German film about a boy with no limbs who  learns how to paint with his an erection.  I myself want explosions, shameless product placements, bad guys with a foreign accent and a 60 yr old leading man with a 24 yr old love interest…..just like real life.
" The story of a French woman who gets turned out by a street pimp named Thunderbird"
Kiss my 70's blaxploitation loving ass!

...more to come...